I’m old.

I fall asleep earlier than I ever have and I get worried about the hassle of going to a movie theater that’s within walking distance. So my list is going to reflect that probably forever. But hey, we do our best.

1. Inglourious Basterds. The only movie I saw this year that when it was over, I thought, “My life is better because I just watched that movie.” Usually that happens four or five times a year.

2. Up in the Air. For George Clooney’s next role, he’ll play a former washed-up sitcom star who transforms his career with a lucky break on a medical drama and becomes the hottest actor on the planet.

3. The Hangover. I can’t remember laughing that consistently at a movie in the theater. Maybe Kingpin. I was borderline embarrassed of myself and thought everyone was looking at me the whole time. Totally worth it though. What Dude Where’s My Car should have been.

4. Hurt Locker. That 10-minute “running through the streets of the city” scene killed this movie for me. It probably would have been my #1 without that scene. Still makes me angry.

5. Adventureland. Ever have a summer job? Then do I have a movie for you! I thought it was speaking to me directly about my summer job experiences, then realized that 90% of America also could relate to this. How did it not make more money?

6. 500 Days of Summer. If you’re going to be forced to watch chick flicks by your significant other, they might as well be interesting, different ones. Whatever you say about this movie, it is both interesting and different. Tough to believe Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the same guy who played Cobra Commander. It’s got to keep him up at night.

7. Sugar. When I returned from my honeymoon in the Dominican Republic to Miami, it was complete and utter culture shock. It took me a couple hours to really adjust to life back in the states, and I had only been gone for less than a week. That made me realize how tough Dominican baseball players must have it. Apparently, someone else thought of that too.

8. Away We Go. The transformation of Jim Halpert has begun.

9. Precious. I’ll probably never watch this movie again, but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize how good it is.

10. State of Play. What a shock! The newspaper reporter counts this as one of the best movies of the year! But other than the fact that Russell Crowe has a never-ending deadline that gives him like 2 weeks to write a story that should have been turned around (industry term) in a day, his reporter is one of the more real ones I’ve seen on screen. And I know editors like Helen Mirren, completely broken down by corporations to the point where she’s just trying to hold on long enough to get some money back in her 401k. I know a couple of them.

11. Watchmen. I thought the book actually was overrated, so I was glad to see they 86-ed my two least favorite parts, the comic-in-a-comic and the ending. I disappointed, however, to see the rest of the movie is a panel-by-panel adaptation. Jackie Earl Haley is carving out the most impressive career resurgence of this generation.

12. District 9. A little too preachy for my taste. My head hurt from all the times I was bashed over the head with “We’re all alike.”

13. Sunshine Cleaning. Good for Amy Adams for keeping a little bit of her credibility. If I saw her in Enchanted 2, that would have been it for me. Someone should tell Alan Arkin there are different kinds of roles available for him.

14. Gomorrah. If the language translation wasn’t so off, it would have been higher on my list. But when someone is getting a gun pointed at their head by a cold-blooded gangster and the subtitle reads something along the lines of “I am going to shoot you now!” it’s hard to really get invested.

15. Goodbye Solo. Weirdly engaging. I had sweaty palms at the end of this, I felt like I was up on that mountain ledge. That’s good film making.

16. Amreeka. Good year for Maeby, ending up as a cool sidekick in Whip It and playing the writer/director of one of the most impressively gut-wrenching movies of the year.

17. In the Loop. I definitely did not think it was as funny as I was led to believe it was, maybe I’m just not smart enough to understand it. It’s still funny, but more, “Huh, that’s funny” than “BA HA HA HA!!!”

18. Wolverine. I don’t care what anyone says, I liked it a good bit. Yeah, there are too many people in it, but it’s a good comic book movie.

19. Whichever Harry Potter just came out. My biggest complaint is that I’ve never read a Harry Potter book and care about the series only when the movies come out, but about halfway through this one, I apparently figured out exactly how the book series ends. These movies need to be given more respect as art instead of just as popcorn blockbusters. In terms of quality, it’s surpassing Star Wars more and more with each installment thanks to the gosh darn prequels.

20. The Girlfriend Experience. You either like Stephen Soderberg’s little experimental films or you don’t. I do. Sasha Gray deserves to get more mainstream work, pronto. But no, there she is on G4 anchoring the Australian Adult Film Expo coverage. That will make Spielberg notice for sure.

Just missed: Sin Nombre

Still haven’t seen:

An Education: The one movie I regret missing this year.

A Serious Man: It’s sitting on my TV cable box right now. I’m angry I didn’t get a chance to watch it in time.

Avatar: When I started my campaign of not seeing Avatar, it was out of principle. I don’t think it’s right to say something is going to change how movies are made six months before anyone has seen a second of footage. I’m old fashioned that way, I guess. Then it was an all-out assault to be the only one in the country who hadn’t seen it by Christmas. Around mid-January, I was weakening and thought I should see it or risk being the only person between the ages of 15 and 50 who hadn’t seen it. Now? I’m proud I haven’t seen it and bring it up in conversation as much as possible:

“Hi Mike, how’s it going?” “Great! Did i tell you I haven’t seen Avatar yet?”

“Actually, the news isn’t good. It looks like she’s not going to make it.” “Oh no, that’s terrible. Hey, speaking of that, did I tell you I haven’t seen Avatar yet and I don’t plan on it until it comes on DVD?”

And so on.

NO WAY THEY’D BE ON THIS LIST

GI Joe: Worst movie I saw this year. I promised myself I would shut it off if anyone said, “And knowing is the half the battle.” I didn’t know they’d say it in the first 20 minutes.

Thirst: The best movie about South Korean vampire priests probably ever, but that doesn’t make it good. A big step back for Chan-wook Park.

Posted by Sharky

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